1. "You can all go to hell, I will go to Texas..." -Davy Crockett
2. " I did not want my tombstone to read, she kept a really clean house." -Ann Richards
3. "You cannot be a leader, and ask people to follow you, unless you know how to follow, too." -Sam Rayburn
4. "Texas does not, like any other region, simply have indigenous dishes. It proclaims them. It congratulates you, on your arrival, at having escaped from the slop pails of the other 49 states." - Alistair Cooke of the BBC on Texas cuisine in The Americans.
1. The engine's runnin', ain't nobody drivin'.
2. Its so hot in Texas that as soon as the temperature drops below 85 degrees, it becomes sweater weather.
3. This ain't my first rodeo.
4. There are only two seasons in Texas: Storm and Deer.
5. Would'nt trust him farther than I can throw him.
6. Ain't gonna tell me how the cow eats the cabbage.
7. So dry I'm spittin' cotton.
8. He wakes up the rooster.
9. If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.
10. The apple don't fall far from the tree.
12. Bought a car with all the bells and whistles.
13. Bigger than Dallas.
14. Can't squeeze blood out of a turnip.
15. You can lead a horse to water, but ya can't make him drink.
16. He's runnin' with the big dogs.
17. He ain't got a pot to pee in.
18. Coffee so strong it'll wake up Elvis.
19. She could talk the bark off a tree.
20. Shut the door...were you raised in a barn?!
1. Never tell a Texan you're gonna take away his guns.
2. Always remove your hat when you enter a building.
3. A Texan always has at least two pairs of boots: shiny for going out and dusty for work.
4. Never underestimate a Texas Gal. She can drive a 4x4 truck,back up a trailer, clean a fish, grow the sweetest tomato garden, argue for womens rights, and still say grace after preparing a fine meal.
5. Never take Texas kindness for ignorance. You'll never be trusted again.
6. Texas football takes precedent. So become a fan or don't bother one during the season.
7. Texans takes these things to heart: Don't talk crap about their trucks, their 4-wheelers(ATVs), their hunting leases, and their mommas.
8. Never invite your friends over for a BBQ and only serve hotdogs and hamburgers. A BBQ consists of real beef, chicken, sausage, the fixin's and its just down right rude.
9. When wanting to do business with a Texan, watch how far you get when you get down to talking business first. Texans like to shoot the bull; and if you can shoot the bull, then you can hang with the best.
10. When you host a business meeting or even a party at your home, always introduce your guest to each other, make your rounds, remember names, and always have booze. Texas beer for the guys and margaritas for the ladies.
1. A young lady was gifted a frog by her fairy godmother. The young lady asked, "Why the frog?" The fairy godmother replied, "He is an enchanted talking frog."
The frog ribbeted and said,"If you kiss me once, I will turn into a Texas oilman." As the frog puckered up, the young lady placed him into her purse. The fairy godmother asked, "Why, aren't you going to kiss him?" The young lady replied, "Well heck no, now-a-days, a talking frog is worth more than a Texas oilman."
2. Did you hear about the Aggie at the stop sign? He's still there.
3. Carpet bagger: "Is it going to rain?"
Texan: "Nobody predicts the weather except fools and newcomers."
4. You know you're in Texas when even the smallest towns have only one restaurant and its Mexican.
5. Only in Texas can you eat tacos for breakfast, lunch and dinner and not one has the same ingredients.
6. A frozen margarita is an adult snow-cone.